Selfless

Spending about twenty minutes to watch the end of Steel Magnolias, had me crying like never before.

I should tell you a little about the movie, to be fair. Queen Latifah played the center role in this movie, she has a daughter that fights with her a lot. They've been through a lot together. Her daughter, Shelby, got married and had her first baby, and as she grew up to be a woman, they spend less time fighting and more time taking care of each other. But Shelby passed out, one day, and she was in a state of coma. After a while, they realized there was never a hope to get her back. So, they chose to let her go. As Shelby's father and husband stormed out of the room, crying. Shelby's mom stayed, a few minutes strong, to watch her baby drifts away from this world. 

At the end of the movie, there's a scene of Queen Latifah, crying and let out all her anger in front of her friends. She said, "God, mercy me. I'm trying to understand, but I can't." That was what she said. And she said some stuff about she could be jogging to Texas but her baby couldn't. And she said some stuff about how Shelby's baby will never know how great his mother was, and what she's been through for him. She said again, "It wasn't supposed to be this way. I was supposed to go first. I was always ready to go first." 

That's where I lost it.

Tears couldn't stop coming and I had to wonder if mom ever thought about this. All I know that she was the most selfless person in this world, and I seem to be the most selfish person around her. Knowing her personality, she must have at least once thought about leaving this world as long as me and my brother can live our life being happy. And I know, she must have thought a lot more about this when she's sick. 

She was too self-sacrificing that it scared me to death. 

I guess mothers in general are too self-sacrificing if it comes to their child. Even if they don't show it, they would always give up their life if it means that her children can live a happy life. 

But, what about me, mom? What do you think I feel? Don't you even want to see me have my first day of college? Don't you want the experience of me calling you almost every night from my college dorms? Don't you want to see me graduate and have my bachelor degree? Don't you want to be able to brag to your teacher friends how I would be going to school abroad, getting my masters degree? Don't you even want to see me get married? Don't you want to hold your grandchild?

Like I said, I'm the most selfish person in the world if compared to my mother. I am always thinking of who would be there on my graduation, on my wedding day, on any family events. 

Moms are selfless. Children are selfish. I guess it always works that way.